Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
