i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
