Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize