Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
