Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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