I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
