Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
