Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
