I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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