whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
