i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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