Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
