i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
