So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just high enough for therapy.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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