May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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