Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
