I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The air was thick with penises
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
