My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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