I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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