don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
