My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
