i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize