I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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