i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
