No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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