My first STD was from a foam party
Duck Duck Cougar?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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