I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
