Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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