i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Houston, we have a blender
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
