Everything about him screamed your future.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
