Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
