I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
