I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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