Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize