im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
