At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
