so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
