i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
