It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
