I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
