I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
