My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
