I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
