Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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