You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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