Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize