ugly people sure do ruin things
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
