You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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