i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
