five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
