we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
