Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
