i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
