I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
