I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
