You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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