tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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