I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
