break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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