and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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