Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
