and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
