Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
